Prompt for August 1, 2016

Complete the short story/flash fiction, that has the following opening:

“You don’t understand do you, Ms. Lassiter? People watched my rants on YouTube because they were spontaneous. When Comedy Central picked me to do a five minute rant every week they didn’t give me a script to read or even tell me what to say. I sent them one, two or even half a dozen rants and they picked what they wanted to air, but they never, ever, gave me a script and told me to pretend that it was mine. And now that ‘mainstream television’ wants to put me on the air I’m supposed to bend over and say ‘could I have another one please’?’

“You don’t own me Ms. Lassiter, you don’t even rent me. I’m giving you the opportunity to show my rant first before the Internet splashes it all over the place, but I’m not beholding to you. Hell, I don’t even like you that much, you remind too much of my ex-wife. She was a cold woman, but she wasn’t necessarily stupid. She never told me what to do. She realized that telling me what to do would make me mad, would make me so pissed off that I needed to get rid of some of that rage. And you know what Ms. Lassiter? It’s been five years since the divorce and I still have that rage fueling me.

“But this? This piece of shit that you put in front of me and told me to spew forth as if it was mine? This may be just the thing to make me forget about my wife and think about you. Do you want that Ms. Lassiter? Do you want to be my muse for the next five years? Do you want to be the focus of all the vile filth that comes out of my mouth when I get pissed off? Do you want the world to know that your asinine actions are what is sustaining me during cold winter nights, knowing that thinking about you gets me so riled up I could heat up an entire apartment building?

“No, Ms. Lassiter, you can take this script, shove it up your ass and hope that I cool down in the next thirty minutes or you are going to be in for a really interesting live rant. Now, move out of my fucking way before I really get pissed off.”

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